Today, I absolutely guarantee that I can’t tell you how to achieve your dreams. I respect you enough to not even pretend to know because frankly, its different for everybody.

I am however, quite convinced that you and you alone are 100% responsible for seeing your dreams come to fruition. What I can do is share what’s working for me right now, and hope you can use something. So here goes…

Dreaming is a most awesome gift us humans have been endowed with. Dreams have been written about by songwriters, scholars and lovers the world over for centuries. Stroll into any bookstore and peruse the personal development aisle and you will find an endless supply of books that will tell you how to live your dreams. Its a multi-bazillion dollar industry because people are famished for information on HOW to achieve their dreams. Talk about a hungry market.

The problem is, our dreams have a nasty habit of avoiding reality. Dreams love to stay in that ethereal ‘someday’ world where good intentions and new-year’s resolutions (and possibly my kid’s socks) also end up.

Your dreams and mine, if they stand ANY chance of coming to fruition,  need to be wrestled to the ground like the onry, slippery things that they are and tamed. Dreams can either be about herding cats or training dogs. One is a fruitless endeavor, the other (although challenging) will pay great dividends.

Cesar Millan is awesome in my book. If you haven’t watched his show, he is known as the ‘Dog Whisperer’ and is one of the most effective dog trainers I have ever seen. Essentially, he establishes himself as the ‘alpha’ dog and proceeds to get the dog to do whatever he wants. Its amazing to watch. I have used his techniques frequently on my unruly Bernese Mountain Dog, affectionately named ‘Whiskey’ (shown above). Whiskey still refuses to watch the show.

Incidentally, I think Whiskey has dreams too, as sometimes he makes guttural whining sounds and his paws make odd twitching movements while he sleeps. I’m fairly sure his dreams are limited to his next human food score, chasing small animals, and barking at leaves just because they move sometimes.

Your dreams need to be shown whose boss. They are prone to wander and get lost if you don’t keep a sharp eye on them. Your dreams need to be taken seriously if they stand a chance. The good and not-so-good news is that you are the ONLY person who can do the job of taming your dreams.

Here’s my prescription for taming those unruly dreams of yours:

1. Apply Accurate Thinking.

In the epic book ‘Think And Grow Rich’, Napoleon Hill cites a number of principles that define the mindset of successful people. One of the most overlooked and perhaps underused is the principle of accurate thinking.

The Internet is filled with information that promotes asking the universe for what you want while you sit on your can waiting for it to show up at your doorstep like a pizza delivery person. Unless you were born yesterday or enjoy drinking the delusional Kool-Aid, this strategy is not effective.

You’ve got to take an honest and hard look at your life situation. You have to ask yourself the hard questions and answer with honest answers. Not answers if you wish you could say. Not the answers you’re going to have in the future. The answers that you can answer TODAY.

Ask yourself this question: Is this really a dream of mine or am I just simply in love with the idea? Don’t underestimate the power of asking yourself appropriate questions. This is as important to taming your dream as anything else is.

I have had dreams at times that I understand will not be filled because other dreams have taken precedence. for example, in my 20′s I had dreams of becoming a Navy Seal. I went as far as talking to a recruiter and mapped out a training plan. I was gung-ho and thought about all the time. I was in love with the idea of being a military bad-ass ninja special ops dude with a gun.

At the same time, I also had dreams of having a family. The more I read and talk to enlisted naval personnel, I realized that even if I did achieve (very highly unlikely) becoming a Seal, it would’ve certainly taken a huge toll on any family life I wanted to have. So I made a decision and I chose my dream of having a family. My dreams of having a family took precedence over my dreams of becoming a special ops dude.

 2. Take Inventory on Yourself.

After talking to many people and reading countless books and blogs on the topic, I am convinced that for most people, one of  the hardest things to do is to figure out what you’re supposed to be doing with your life. Not what you’ve been trained to do, not what you been told to do, but what you’re really supposed to do with your life with your unique gifts, talents, and abilities. For me that has become a lifelong journey in ‘figuring it out’.

Especially for us Generation Xers, taking an honest assessment of ourselves is not necessarily pleasurable. As we reluctantly approach middle-age, our weaknesses, faults, and blemishes become more and more crystal-clear. Truth be told, we’ve got to be gut-level honest with ourselves and admit to ourselves who we are not just as much is find out who we are.

Before you decide on your dream, be honest with yourself. Is what you’re dreaming about in line with who you are? Will your dream encroach upon other dreams that you are currently living out? As I mentioned before, you may not want to strive to achieve one dream at the expense of another.

3. Map Out a Plan on Paper Using a Calendar.

this part is very, very important because this is the part where you put a choke collar around that dream and get it to take you seriously. That’s exactly what you need to do with your dream – that is, begin to take it seriously – no matter how far-fetched.

I highly recommend a five-year planning calendar to do this exercise. Don’t go get a traditional calendar, but rather use a tool like Microsoft Word or Google Docs to create a simple grid 12 squares across and 5 high – representing each month of the next five years. Now starting with the current month, rough estimate how many months it would take you to realistically accomplish this dream? Mark it off in the calendar.

If you’re not sure it’s okay – this exercise is just to get the conversation started with yourself and significant others. You’re putting a future ballpark estimate date in place that is nothing more than that – just an estimate.

What’s exciting about this very simple exercise is that it takes your dreams out of the world of ideas floating around in your head, puts them in front of you on a piece of paper, and forces you to start asking important and exciting questions:

• Why couldn’t this happen?
• If we rearranged some things in our lives, save some money and cut some other luxuries, why couldn’t we achieve this goal?
• What if you able to do this – can you imagine what kind of impact it would have on our family?
• What’s the worst thing that could happen? We could go for this goal to be achieved in the next three years but we might have to settle for four years for it to be achieved. What’s wrong with that?

Ask yourself the hard questions. What other factors are involved in making this dream come true? who else will be affected by my dream and how will they like the idea of being part of my dream? I say this because your dreams and desires always affect other people, and it’s likely you have a family that will be participating in the dream with you.

I did the same exercise with my wife and kids over the course of several months and put a draft of our five-year plan on the wall. We have estimated dates to do some pretty adventurous things as a family. It involves homeschooling the kids at some point and walking away from what some would consider security. But an adventure is not an adventure unless there is some element of the unknown and risk involved.

Since I put that on my wall, and put dates around our dreams, interesting things have begun to happen. Things are beginning to fall in place that will fulfill those dreams. Conversations are being had and opportunities are slowly arising that directly correspond with the plausibility of those dreams coming to fruition. I honestly believe none of it would’ve happened unless I started taking my dreams seriously.

Now it’s your turn.  Your dreams are too important for you to not take seriously, no matter what people say.

It’s time for you to put them out there and start to have the conversation that begins with the question, “Why not?”. I promise you won’t regret it.

Until next time, stay unruly.

Everyone Needs an Adventure Hat

The Indiana Jones series are some of my all time favorite movies.

I always liked how they set up the entire story line from the beginning with Indiana calmly teaching his college class from the front of the room, lecturing as a mild-mannered professor that he is. Then, later when he decides to embark on his next adventure, he ventures to his closet to grab his hat, whip and satchel. Its the equivalent of when Batman descends to the bat cave to don his armor or Spider-man pulls the mask over his face. Its the moment where transformation takes place.

I think there’s something about that hat that we identify with. When you think of Indiana Jones, you remember the hat. A dusty, beat up Fedora made of beaver felt that by the sheer sight of it you know it has seen its share of adventure. If only that Fedora could talk.

It’s not that hat itself – its what the hat represents. It has magical powers to transform a buttoned up college professor into, well, Indiana Jones. Without the hat, he’s just professor Jones. When the hat goes on, he becomes the fearless adventurer who takes on the world with his wits, a bull whip, a wry smile, and occasionally a revolver.

Hats are more than a clothing accessory. Hats are the defining piece of any costume. The hat can be a symbol, a crown, a representation of what the wearer is all about. Its a permission slip to be yourself with a little (or a lot) of exaggeration.

The photo above is of my leather Minnetonka folder (on the right) that I bought in some sleepy northern Wisconsin town on a getaway years ago. I call it my adventure hat. I wear it on specific occasions – namely when I’m going kayaking, backpacking or hiking. After I load up the car with piles of gear, I stuff the family in the back and take my position in the cockpit. I pause, place the adventure hat on my head, say a blessing for safe travels and hit the gas.

The hat is part of the adventure, and it has stories to tell. It hangs on my wall as a reminder of experiences had and adventures to come. Its a trophy, a badge and a muse.

What about you? What gives you permission to transform? Tell us about it in the comments.

Stay unruly.

My Unruly Son Austin Sporting His Best Toothless Grin

A few years ago, turning 40 hit me square between the eyes and I continue to live in almost complete denial of it. On a daily basis, I fluctuate somewhere between 6 and 23 years of age maturity-wise. I’m proud of that.

Its hard to ignore those pre-midlife-crisis type of moments where you are asking yourself “What happened to my 30’s?”. You’re shocked when you see yourself in recent photos (“Whose that old chubby guy?”). You see the hair-band members you used to love in your teens on TV doing infomercials or performing at geriatric country clubs and say to yourself  “Wow… he’s looking old.” That’s when you know you’re looking in a mirror.

The truth is that inside, you and I are still that 10  year old kid with the new bicycle flying down the cul de sac with your hair on fire. You still have that 16 year old inside of you that goes gaga with every pretty girl that throws half a smile your way. You are still that idealistic 22 year old that hasn’t been kicked around by the real world yet.

Yep. That kid is still in there. The only difference is that maybe his dreams have grown up some.

Perhaps now the dreams are of climbing mountains and trekking through the Australian Outback on a personal walkabout, or starting a business where you can do work that is more creative and personally fulfilling while spending more time with your kids. The yearning for excitement, adventure, and perhaps flat out craziness never leaves.

The problem is somewhere along the road we start talking ourselves out of those desires. We tell ourselves that we need to grow up, to mature, to think practically and logically. The allure of comfort and predictability begins to override the thirst for challenge and the unknown. After all, there are mouths to feed and mortgages to pay. Gotta get those college funds funded and the kitchen remodeled, right?

In short, we settle in with the herd and become domesticated. We become sensible. But there is just the one problem of that inner kid.

That boyish dreamer of pirates, adventure and wanderlust is still inside you.  He’s restless. If you don’t find a way to satisfy his cravings, he will make you suffer dearly for it.

What I mean is, if you don’t satisfy your own need for adventure and challenge no matter how slight, your inner kid is gonna throw a tantrum. He’s going to find a way to come out in different ways like overeating, buying a lot of stuff you don’t need (or have the time to use), unhealthy relationships, finding various useless addictions (distractions), and other stuff in a desperate attempt to get satisfaction.

Speaking from experience, going into debt and overextending yourself is a poor substitute for creating greater experiences in your life. Don’t be fooled. You don’t crave stuff – you crave the temporary feeling of excitement that comes from getting what you think you desire. Without exception, its always short-term and short-lived.

Do yourself a favor today: Actually take a lunch hour, go to the coffee house closest to you and bring a pad of paper and pen (not a laptop). Order your favorite beverage and pick one of those big comfy chairs to plant yourself in (not the hard wooden ones) away from others as best you can. Start writing the answers to these questions:

• What experiences do I have the best memories of as a kid?
• What did I love the most about those experiences?
• What experiences do I want to share with and pass on to my kids?

Let yourself go on the page. No editing allowed. Scribbling is encouraged. See what comes out of your head and onto the page. Really dig in here. Don’t take it too seriously, either.

Now date the page and slap it up on a wall where you see it. Its a reminder. Its a charge. Its a small step towards reclaiming your right to create something great for yourself and your family.

Its probably not going to feel like much but I promise if you do this a few times a month, you WILL notice a difference.

The big idea here is to give that kid a voice. He wants out. You’ll be amazed how over time your wall will fill up, and those seemingly random scrawlings on paper begin to tell you a story about who you are and what you are supposed to be doing next.

Until next time, stay unruly.