For today’s post, I would like to introduce you, valued reader, to a groundbreaking new therapy for coping with stressful situations. Its called 3F Therapy. Here’s the story:

I was in a couple work meetings earlier that frankly got my skivvies all bunched up. I was feeling really worked up over situations regarding office politics, power grabs and general professional courtesy being kicked to the curb.

Being completely fed up and unable to focus, I decided I needed to get out of the office for a few minutes. So I got back to my desk, grabbed my keys and headed out to my car to go get a coffee.

It suddenly occurred to me that my car was as good a place as any to go, well, batshit.

I proceed to drop the F Bomb no less than 20 times – directing my semantic venom at the dashboard. I yelled like a freakin’ angry drunk samurai with his tabi sandals on fire. Then, as fast as it started, I calmly bought myself a treat and drove back to the office.

There I soon discovered that my productive creative juices were reengaged, and instead of being emotionally constipated I actually felt much better than I had all week. I was shocked, amazed even. What was this amazing new tonic that so beautifully relieved my condition?

Alas, I had accidentally discovered the power of 3F therapy. Here’s the formula:

Step 1: Flight

Get the heck out of the office. I mean it – get out. Run. Pretend like you just quit or just won the lottery. You need to get out of the environment and breathe some fresh air. This is a good thing.

Step 2: F Bombs

There is no other word on earth that delivers more personal satisfaction when you are completely beside yourself with outrage that the F bomb. None. Nada. The F Bomb is the do-all-end-all of words that deliver meaning to whatever you put it in front of. So now as you sit in your car (or somewhere where you won’t have the police called on you) you have the opportunity to wield this word as you should – to reign down F Bombs on all things that have afflicted you.

Go ahead, begin at any time. Drop that bad boy like you mean it. Really enunciate it like a Phonics bad-ass. Be loud (or quiet) – whatever feels good. Fire those warheads off like some giant robot out of a Michael Bay movie. When you’re all done, finish with a good old-fashioned primal scream and you’re good to go.

Step 3: Frosty

Now drive to a Wendy’s restaurant and get your angry ass a Frosty. Here’s a link to the Wendy’s website if you need to find one. Just do it. If you don’t have Wendy’s in your part of the world then anyplace that has ice cream shakes or malts. I know you’re on a diet me too (going on about 30 years).

Trust me, ice cold creamy chocolatey sugary stuff is second only to whiskey shots and maybe a frontal lobotomy in dramatically improving your mood fast. Its been programmed in you from an early age ever since mom handed you an ice cream cone after you busted your noggin on the neighbor’s driveway while pulling an Evel Knievel stunt on your tricycle. Don’t fight it – get the Frosty now.

Re-Entering the Office

When you are finished, calmly drive back to your place of employment like a nice mild-mannered, play-by-the-rule type (don’t worry, your real identity is safe). Take inventory of how you feel. Feel better don’t you? Admit it.

I contest that 3F therapy works faster and is infinitely more effective than any course on positive thinking and coping than you have ever taken. Plus, its a lot more fun and you get to have ice cream. What could be better?

Let me know how it worked for you in the comments.

Until we meet again, stay unruly.