My Unruly Son Austin Sporting His Best Toothless Grin

A few years ago, turning 40 hit me square between the eyes and I continue to live in almost complete denial of it. On a daily basis, I fluctuate somewhere between 6 and 23 years of age maturity-wise. I’m proud of that.

Its hard to ignore those pre-midlife-crisis type of moments where you are asking yourself “What happened to my 30’s?”. You’re shocked when you see yourself in recent photos (“Whose that old chubby guy?”). You see the hair-band members you used to love in your teens on TV doing infomercials or performing at geriatric country clubs and say to yourself  “Wow… he’s looking old.” That’s when you know you’re looking in a mirror.

The truth is that inside, you and I are still that 10  year old kid with the new bicycle flying down the cul de sac with your hair on fire. You still have that 16 year old inside of you that goes gaga with every pretty girl that throws half a smile your way. You are still that idealistic 22 year old that hasn’t been kicked around by the real world yet.

Yep. That kid is still in there. The only difference is that maybe his dreams have grown up some.

Perhaps now the dreams are of climbing mountains and trekking through the Australian Outback on a personal walkabout, or starting a business where you can do work that is more creative and personally fulfilling while spending more time with your kids. The yearning for excitement, adventure, and perhaps flat out craziness never leaves.

The problem is somewhere along the road we start talking ourselves out of those desires. We tell ourselves that we need to grow up, to mature, to think practically and logically. The allure of comfort and predictability begins to override the thirst for challenge and the unknown. After all, there are mouths to feed and mortgages to pay. Gotta get those college funds funded and the kitchen remodeled, right?

In short, we settle in with the herd and become domesticated. We become sensible. But there is just the one problem of that inner kid.

That boyish dreamer of pirates, adventure and wanderlust is still inside you.  He’s restless. If you don’t find a way to satisfy his cravings, he will make you suffer dearly for it.

What I mean is, if you don’t satisfy your own need for adventure and challenge no matter how slight, your inner kid is gonna throw a tantrum. He’s going to find a way to come out in different ways like overeating, buying a lot of stuff you don’t need (or have the time to use), unhealthy relationships, finding various useless addictions (distractions), and other stuff in a desperate attempt to get satisfaction.

Speaking from experience, going into debt and overextending yourself is a poor substitute for creating greater experiences in your life. Don’t be fooled. You don’t crave stuff – you crave the temporary feeling of excitement that comes from getting what you think you desire. Without exception, its always short-term and short-lived.

Do yourself a favor today: Actually take a lunch hour, go to the coffee house closest to you and bring a pad of paper and pen (not a laptop). Order your favorite beverage and pick one of those big comfy chairs to plant yourself in (not the hard wooden ones) away from others as best you can. Start writing the answers to these questions:

• What experiences do I have the best memories of as a kid?
• What did I love the most about those experiences?
• What experiences do I want to share with and pass on to my kids?

Let yourself go on the page. No editing allowed. Scribbling is encouraged. See what comes out of your head and onto the page. Really dig in here. Don’t take it too seriously, either.

Now date the page and slap it up on a wall where you see it. Its a reminder. Its a charge. Its a small step towards reclaiming your right to create something great for yourself and your family.

Its probably not going to feel like much but I promise if you do this a few times a month, you WILL notice a difference.

The big idea here is to give that kid a voice. He wants out. You’ll be amazed how over time your wall will fill up, and those seemingly random scrawlings on paper begin to tell you a story about who you are and what you are supposed to be doing next.

Until next time, stay unruly.